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My job is selling real estate in Greater Cincinnati. This includes a pretty big area including Northern Ky, the City of Cincinnati as well as the surrounding suburbs.
the Father to these two kids is a Cincinnati Police Officer. He has been doing this for about 16 years now and rarely complains.. about his job, that is.
15 of those years, he and I have been a couple.
It is very rare that our two working worlds cross paths but on June 19th, 2015 they did. My husband works on the West side of Cincinnati and left that morning for his 6 am shift. I had dropped the kids off at the sitters house and was on my way to meet a friend for a coffee before heading to Madisonville to pick up a lockbox and yard sign from a commercial property I was closing on later that afternoon.
As I was getting into the car I noticed a local news update banner pop up on my phone that said a Cincinnati Police Officer had been shot. My heart dropped. I clicked on the story and saw that it was on the East Side of the city; the neighborhood of Madisonville. I immediately knew my husband wasn't the one. I didn't have time to really think about it as I didn't want to be late and had a busy day ahead. With his job I have learned NOT to think about it. Thinking about what he does, day to day, would paralyze me with fear. So, I set the phone down and drove on.
Once I was at the coffee shop, I sat down with my caffeine and had a moment to reflect while waiting for my friend.
I remember when my husband and I first started dating I would have vivid nightmares about bullets whizzing through the air. I would wake up in the middle of the night and call him. Him answering the phone while working reassured me that he was ok. It wasn't normal to date someone with a job like this. I was worried. A lot. He worked nights back then and nights were when a majority of the really bad stuff happened. It was scary then. It still is, but in different ways, now. We have two little kids now. I fear more for them than myself. The fear never leaves but I have learned to push it to a place that allows me to behave like a normal wife and mother.
After a couple years of dating, I started getting used to it and stopped worrying about things I couldn't control. He rarely hangs out with his co-workers and absolutely never brought work home with him. He is different from many cops in that way. To this day, he still doesn't talk about work very often. He is a quiet person but I know that early on he decided to keep certain aspects of his job to himself in order to keep me from worrying about him. Also, he is just a guy who knows how to leave work AT work. A skill I do not possess.
About 5 minutes after I arrived at the coffee shop I got a call from him. He knew I was headed to Madisonville and said "don't come down here this morning." I was a little confused, he said don't come "here." I knew he wasn't where he was supposed to be. I asked what he was doing there? As the words came out of my mouth, I immediately knew the reason. It was bad. The officer who had been shot must not have just been shot in the leg or in the vest. This was really bad. So, I asked the question. "Was he killed?" The answer was yes.
I heard in his voice the sadness and knew that the call to tell me not to come to that part of town was really his only way to express to me what had just happened. He would never discuss it or want to share his feelings, grief or fear. All he knew to do was to call me to say I shouldn't go there.
The next couple of weeks were very solemn. We decided to keep the news off the tv because our 5 yr old was having a lot of trouble understanding death. We had lost 2 pets and his Great Grandmother in the last 2 years and he was talking about it a lot. It is so hard explaining the concept of your soul being separate from your body to a little kid. I think the nicest way to teach a child is by explaining that they are no longer in pain, or old, or suffering and are in heaven.
On top of this, our little guy had also been going through a period where he was worried about "bad guys" and was regularly saying he needed to go help Dad at work. Teaching your child about their parent being a cop is also a tough thing. We always try to say that his job is to help people and if he does find a bad guy, he just takes them to jail. I sometimes tell him that all Dad does is eat doughnuts and drive around real fast. He knows I am kidding but we are a family that does not take ourselves too seriously. We deflect with laughter as much as possible. Much of this is to protect his little self from understanding the truth of it all at an age too young to be able to process it.
So, my husband and I attended the Visitation and it was surreal. I had never seen so many police officers in one place. I noticed police on the roof of the building doing surveillance and quietly realized in the world we live in, this would be the perfect target for an act of terrorism. Super. On top of the heavy sadness I also felt slightly nervous about a possible attack. Not really nervous but when you see sharp shooters on the roof of the building you are getting ready to enter it is just a little unsettling. I have never been in the presence of the POTUS or the Pope so this was a first for me.
Sonny Kim was shot and killed June 19, 2015. It wasn't accidental, he was shot because of his profession. This link will give the details if you want to read about how this happened. Click here for the story
I am writing about this for a couple of reasons. Mainly because it hit close to home and is always on my mind. It happened in the City I live and work in. It was one of my husbands co-workers. He was a good guy who was well liked and respected in the community. He had a wife and kids whose worst nightmare had come true.
It has been 8 months and I still think about it often. Every time I see my husband in his uniform. Every time I pass by the cemetery where Sonny Kim is buried. Every time I hear of another shooting in the news, I think about this day and the family that was left behind. I hope they still feel how much we all care about them. I hope that they are emotionally and financially being taken care of. I pray that his wife and kids will be ok and that their pain will ease. I pray that this will stop happening but I know that it won't.
I hope this humanizes police, too. It isn't cool to tell your kids that police are ALL racists or bigots. Or to tell them the cops will come get them and take them away if they are bad. Think about what that teaches them. I know there are bad cops and I wish they would all have their badges taken away. I recognize that there are flaws in the justice system. I care about the prejudices and think it is an important conversation that, unfortunately, still needs to be had in 2016. This isn't about that. This is about my experience in my little family of 4.
My next post will be about selling houses, or inspections, or the hot Spring market... This has been sitting in my account since last June and I felt I had to post it.
Love and prayers to the Kim family and all the good guys out there.
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